From our Editorix, Deneen Gannon

"Your anger is a gift."

FILE: George Carlin on Technology

I’m a modern man, a man for the millineum. Digital and smoke free. I’m a diversified multicutural postmodern deconstructionist; politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been uplinked and downloaded. I’ve been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech lowlife. A cutting edge, state of the art bi-costal multitasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I’m new wave, but I’m old school, and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired heat-seeking warm hearted cool customer, voice activated and biodegradeable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time-to-time I’m radioactive.

Behind the eight-ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging the bullet, and pushing the envelope. I’m on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low profile, medium range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps.

I’m a totally on-going bigfoot slamdunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. A raging work-a-holic. A working rage-a-holic. Out of rehab, and in denial.

I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless. I’m an alpha-male on beta-blockers. I’m a non-believer and over-achiever, laid back but fashion forward, up-front, down home, low rent, high maintenance. Supersize, long lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven ready and built to last. I’m a hands-on footloose kneejerk headcase, prematurely post traumatic and I have a love child who sends me hate mail.

But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing. A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has it’s own cash flow.

I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly, and lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex, I like tough love, I use the “f” word in my email, and my software on my hard drive is hardcore, no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini-mall. I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I’m toll free, bite size ready to wear and I come in all sizes. A fully equiped , factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle.

I’ve been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double wrapped, vaccuum packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity.

I’m a rude-dude, but I’m the real-deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked, and ready to rock. Rough, tough, and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I got glide in my slide. Driving and moving, sailing and spinning, jiving and grooving, wailing and women. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose, I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hardy, and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hanging in, ain’t no doubt, and I’m hanging tough, over and out.